I was 4 but I wasn't even slightly naive about my dream. I knew it was gritty, raw and dangerous. Yet it still burned inside me. I don't have high expectations, I have realistic ones. I couldn't talk about my dream much. Seriously, it was so deep within my personal private desires and felt like part of the fabric of my soul. I can cry just talking about it.
I know, smacks of bullshit right? Fabric of my soul? Coughjerkcough. I never talk like that. I don't refer to my man as my soul mate because it smacks of bullshit. I don't consider myself a cynic, I'm a realist. Realistically people don't have soul mates and realistically very few people accomplish their dreams. If you don't believe me, come do my day job. Now, I'm not a sad person, nor am I bitter or angry. I just don't like that sappy shit. It's shit. Except when it comes to my dream. Haha!
I've dreamed my entire life of breathing the air in NYC. Just to stand on a Manhattan street and look up. I don't want to do the tourist thing. The only thing I ever wanted to see was the Wall Street sign. You know, the street sign....nothing big. I just want to be there.
Well guess what baby?! I'm bustin' out. I'm grabbing this dream by the hair and making it mine. I've booked it!! I'm going to Manhattan for a week! The best part is....oh wait....EVERY part is the best part.
I am taking my daughters and my manthingy. We're staying in a 4 star, 4 diamond boutique hotel that has never had bedbugs on the bedbug registry. We are flying direct on Westjet! Round trip flight and hotel is costing me $1,100 a person. We are totally doing the tourist thing and I couldn't be giddier!! To name a few, we are going to Top of the Rock, Times Square, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Staten Island Ferry, Central Park and all it's wonders, Katz's Deli, Hook and Ladder 8 (Ghostbusters firehouse), the Beast, Empire State building, a friend who lives in NYC is getting me onto the actual trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange (not just the gallery), the Federal Reserve and lastly, most importantly....the Dakota. You know, he was shot on my 5th birthday. I was young, but I knew how to Imagine.
We talked long and hard about accomplishing my dream. I never, ever made plans to do so. I just kept in close, holding it in my heart. When we began talking about it I rejected the idea. He slowly coaxed me and asked questions, subtle prying questions. You know, the way only an annoying person who loves you wildly can do.
I can see it. I see it in my heart. I see me there, with my children and my lover....living the dream that begun when I was only 4. When I was a child I knew it would take a long time and I knew I wouldn't go alone. In researching the city, the historic battles, the ghost stories, the landmarks and the geography something amazing has happened. It's captured the hearts of my daughters. It's become a part of them too. They are going to live the dream right along with me. Best of all, they're going to love it.
So, before I start crying....again....let me leave you with some things.
Just watch it, don't judge, it makes me sob , both of these artists were raised in Manhattan by single Moms.
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