Single Parents

I want to write about this before my memory grows dim and I forget it's value. So bear with me.

I was raised by a single Mom. My childhood was not easy, in fact it was difficult at the best of times. I saw things that I suspect (by the opinions and attitudes I have encountered in life) not everyone sees. I saw my Mother struggle. I saw her succeed, I saw her fail. I saw her when she was beaten, broken and should have given up. I saw her weep. I saw her in a very raw and real way. Not only was she a single Mom in the 70's, she was a teenage single Mom. I was raised by an addict. An addict that fell prey to abusive men.

Pretty picture eh?

I cannot describe some of the things I've seen. Even if I could, I would not. Instead, let me share some other things.

I saw her laugh. I saw her joy. I saw her smile. I remember my Mother being an example of endurance. Yet she never ever looked the part; her laughter was always nearby. Even in those times when I saw her beaten, in that time when she should have quit, should have given up....I saw her raise her head. I saw her stand. I saw her refuse to give up. I have seen my Mother take on Goliath. I am *most* grateful that I saw things other people didn't see. I saw her in moments of weakness. I saw her at her lows, when she shut out the outside world. Which only made her strength even more amazing. She would always (still does) bounce back and take down the Goliath. Whether Goliath was a Dartmouth school that was openly abusing the students, or an employer that paid dearly for a wrongful dismissal. Sometimes Goliath was the opinions of people like you and me, or worse, her own fears.

My Mother was always an example of strength and joy. She was never lazy, she never sat on her ass and collected welfare (that's not to say she never collected welfare, because she totally DID! There is NO shame in that, the 'shame' comes when you abuse the system and choose to be lazy). She kicked her addictions, even when people told her she couldn't. She put an end to abuse in her life. She took a stand against abuse and never again fell prey to it. She worked hard my entire childhood, sacrificing time with her children in order to provide for her children.

I never thought that I too would become a single Mother. I saw my Mother struggle and didn't want that path for myself. Life happens though! I made choices that led me smack into being a single Mother. I choose that path...WOW....hard path. Bloody hard. In fact there was one night when I thought it was impossible. I found my own Goliath. I found Goliath and I could no longer fight. I was ready to give up and concede. Then I thought of my Mom.

I did not give up. I thought of my Mom and I kept going. I got a better job, a great job in fact. A job I still love and still appreciate today. I remember the first paycheque I got. I also remember the paycheque that got me out of the red. I was able to pay my bills, provide for my children and stop struggling so much. I remember holding the pay stub in my hands and crying. I called my Mom. I called Carol and Doreen too. I called women that were single Mothers before me. I called them and thanked them. Thanked them for not giving up. Thanked them for paving the way, for walking this path before I did. For setting an example of what could be accomplished if I didn't give up. I told them that I wasn't giving up. That I was finally succeeding and I owed part of my success to them, to my own Mother.

This world is full of all different kinds of people, for that I am thankful. There are people that will succeed in different ways than I have, for that I am also thankful. I write this to share my gratitude and to remind myself. I also write this so that when I, and possibly you too, see someone that is still a work in progress you will appreciate them, not judge them.

As my Mother has aged she has not stopped accomplishing things. She followed her true dream and has been supporting herself as a full time artist for more than a decade. She fell in love. She is a Kookum. I lived my entire childhood looking up to (funny because she's barely 5") this beautiful, commanding woman.

I am no longer a single Mother, but I was, and I remember.

Plastic Mistletoe Makes Me Happy

Sometime in October I had my annual realization that I did not have any mistletoe for Christmas time. YIKES!! My Mother always hung a ball of cheap plastic mistletoe at Christmas time and I've NEVER continued that tradition, much to my dismay. No big deal, but this year I was DETERMINED to remember to pick up some mistletoe.

Now that should be simple.....but it wasn't. I've been everywhere, I've scoured and hunted. I've looked for some almost every single time I'm out shopping. We've made special stops in stores we NEVER go in. Everyone has holly. Bah. I don't want holly. We found stuff that we could pretend was mistletoe....the berries were white!

It got so bad that my two oldest daughters secretly gathered materials and made me paper mistletoe! So freakin' amazing and is now my prized mistletoe.

We were going to purchase a festive sign at Home Sense that said "warning: entering mistletoe area"....but alas we HAD NO FREAKIN" MISTLETOE!!!

As you know we just spent a few days in Winnipeg. It was an amazing trip that we loved. Such a special time with his family. Some of the nicest people ever. However it was the most emotionally exhausting trip I've ever taken. Being with the beloved matriarch of this very large family while she enjoys her last days is a gift and it's wonderful....wonderfully exhausting.

So we're making the trek home all in one day. Three children, two exhausted parents, coffee, a portable DVD and other luxuries....barreling westward.....no breaks. It's ok because our Magnum is perfection. Well....it *was* perfection....until we hit that thing in the road and there was that loud sharp sound of impact....followed by really odd whistling sounds. Plastic cover that protects the oil pan....shattered. He removed it just off the side of the highway, actually, we ended up in the driveway of a local farmhouse....long story. Anyway, He removed it in -26 (not factoring windchill) and we headed to Swift Current. Stopped at the Canadian Tire to replace his PIECE OF SHIT socket set that infuriates both of us but we never remember to replace it!! They have a 428 piece socket and tool set that is $143.00....it's pretty decent. We like it, we buy it because it is on sale right now for $39.99! Bliss.

Then I see the clearance Christmas stuff. After 3 months of non-stop searching I find EXACTLY the mistletoe I want...in a lonely, mostly dismantled, practically barren, fourth aisle of clearance decorations. There it is, no tag, no price, ONLY ONE THERE, with a piece of masking tape with a code penned on it. I almost cried. $1.29.

If you want to be happy you focus on the good. We were exhausted, the girls were waging WWIII between them, our car (my baby) was damaged, we were hungry, delayed in getting home, faced with our own foolishness in not replacing the socket set and yet there we were. Swift Current, Canadian Tire, one hour before closing on a Sunday, hugging and laughing in a clearance aisle, with our steal of a deal socket set and my mistletoe. We are blessed. We are thankful.


P.S. About 6 days before leaving for Winnipeg BFF and I were at Home Sense. The mistletoe sign was on clearance for $2....I bought it.....because I had a feeling.

Gay Marriage and NOM ads

There are a few odd commercials out there regarding gay marriage. I can't help but sit here and think about them. I think it's odd that people feel threatened by gay marriage. One of the best quotes I heard today was that if you are against gay marriage then DON'T enter into one!!

At the end of one commercial it states that "marriage means a mommy and a daddy". Oh good, that means that my friends who are male/female married without children might also not count as "acceptable" because they aren't parents? I see. It all makes sense now. Brilliant thinking.

Another one of the commercials about confused children stated a WONDERFUL point. A child states that if Grandpa was a woman he and Grandma could still be married (under new laws, it was supposed to be offensive to the "Christian right"). WHAT GOOD NEWS!! Because, in my mind, gender should matter as much as race does! Which is NOT AT ALL!!

Which leads me to my final point. Religion repeats itself.

I'm sure this is a lot like when missionaries stated that the "Indians are doing well considering their obvious deformities". Or when segregation was supported. Let's go ahead and bring back the race riots maybe take away the vote for women, declare women as property again. No really....let's do that! I am truly in fear of a time when religious groups start accepting and loving homosexuals! The only group left to attack after that will be fat people. WAIT, they'd never do that....because unlike homosexuals some obese people attend church (read= you're actually stupid if you think there are no closet homosexuals in Christian churches).



I would be much less bitchy about this if religious groups took such a heavy, well funded & vocal stance against the "sins" of their own members. Rape, child molestation, adultery, slander, gluttony, pre-marital sex, gossip.....the list goes on. Where is the religious ad taking a stand against coveting?

I want to quote Billy Joel "Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!" Christianity needs to get it's own affairs in order. Christianity, before you come knocking on my door with your God inspired hatred of others, get your own house cleaned up. Get your people into a position where their actions match their words. THEN I will welcome you with open arms and a listening ear. Of course.....if you do clean house......you'll have realized that even Jesus himself wouldn't support your current attitude and behavior. When that happens, you won't need to knock on my door. You won't be running around minding and micromanaging everyone! You'll have no message of hatred to motivate you to knock!