Let me tell you about a conversation I had when I was in my 20's. It was me and 3 other women sitting around a dining table. My Mother was one of them, there was a lesbian couple that I know and love, then there was myself. The four of us are talking about relationships. My friend looks at me and says "what was it like when you first kissed him"? She is asking about my husband (now ex).

I thought about it, scrambling in my mind back to when I was 19 and first kissed him. I could not remember the first kiss. I remember the day, but not the kiss. So I shrugged and said "I guess it felt alive"....thinking it was a decent enough answer. My friend nodded. She then gently told me that the first time she kissed her wife it felt like "coming home"......

Well damn. I couldn't relate at all. I knew what she was telling me and was jealous of that feeling. I had never felt that.

Those two women have been together for almost 30 years. Beautiful women, best relationship I have ever seen. I admire them both, respect them both and love them both.

I've thought about that conversation a lot over the past few years. Wondered how that would feel.....wondered if *I* would ever feel that way. I've carried it with me, the thought of that feeling.....wondering.

He hasn't kissed me yet.....