Deception is a wicked game.

Can't say I've never done it, because I have and I own that. I've lied, stole, cheated and manipulated. All bad things. Let's go ahead and be really honest here though. You're guilty too. So we make a deal; I won't judge you , you won't judge me.

Now that we settled that.

I don't like being lied to. No one likes it. I've yet to meet someone that discovers that they have been played for a fool and says "Well shit, that was FUN!!" If that's you though, let me know......I'd like to get inside your head.

I seem to be seeing a lot of deception around me. Some in my life, some in the lives of relatives and some in my friends too. I am not sure why. I tell you what though, my Father knows medicine, old medicine, so I am going to ask him tomorrow. Yes, I am aware that sounds creepy.... shush.

Anyway, back to the lies. It hurts. Having been through some recent carnage caused by deception......I'm a bit raw to it all. I was almost done sorting through my own personal train wreck, only to look over and see one nearby. It's sad and it's hard to watch.

I have just now grown tired of it. I don't judge the people that are causing the carnage.....I just see them more clearly for who they are. As of today, I want nothing to do with them. I'm done.

Now, let's not be silly. I'm not dumb, I can still see from way up here on my high horse! I didn't decide today that I was going to be perfect from now on. I'm no saint....if you ask me how old you look, I'm deducting 5 years!!

I'm simply saying that you know those people in your life that always have a wake of destruction behind them? Not the ones that have a train wreck and sort it out and move on. Not the ones that told you a lie, confessed and said sorry and it's all good now. I'm talking about that person that literally is a moving wreckage and everything they touch gets damaged or totally destroyed. Most of the time they "have no idea why" or "just don't understand why this keeps happening". If you know someone like that.....WALK AWAY.

No really....walk away. Would you get on a plane you knew was going to crash, simply because you liked the pilot?

Live like I am dying

There are odd things you think about when someone close to you is dying. One of the people I simply cannot live without is dying.....too soon, too young and too horribly. She has a list of things she wants to do before she dies. However, because of her situation she can't do the things like sky diving.

So a long time ago we were talking about the list. She turns around and asks me what would be on my list if I was dying. I'd thought about that kind of thing before and never really came up with anything. I have always found happiness to be a choice and something relatively simple.

Well shit.

Hasn't it been on my mind (off and on) for almost a year now!!

I don't have a list. I've been thinking about it a lot though. I suppose I could google the subject and steal shit from someone else's list. I remember years and years ago seeing a list of such things and thinking it was sensational. However, I don't want to do that.....you should feel free to though...haha.

The honest truth? I'm separated, soon to be divorced. I have said, since leaving him, that I do NOT want to get married again. It costs money to marry them and it costs money to get rid of their asses when you are done with them!! The truth though.....I would not want to die alone. I want to die with someone by my side (crap I hate it when my heart betrays my mind).

So now I hesitate to make a list.....what the hell else am I going to come up with?!

I know that things like sky diving likely wouldn't be on it. Even though I have thought about sky diving, it's not a must. It's like the condiment in a buffet....you can leave it out and still have a good meal.

Anyway, I'm going to try to come up with a list. Something that is ME! I wonder what would be on your list......imagine you have 2 terminal illnesses and they have said "______, you have about 3 years before you will be in long term care....and then who knows how much longer after that."

Make a list......show me.