The Diaper Pail Incident

When my daughter was a baby she loved to explore. Not in the manner I expected her to though. Which brings us to my confession, I am a bit naive. I suspect I am not the first Mom in history to confess this! I thought *MY* Daughter would love to explore safe, clean, sanitary and pleasant things. NOPE!

She had a twisted idea of fun.

I do not think the full diaper pail is clean. Who (besides my daughter) opens a pail full of piss and crap and, upon smelling the contents, thinks "hey, this is fun"?

Of course, she is the same child who, when she realized she was having a bowel movement, decided to take off her diaper and see what all the movement was about.

Does any of this strike you as being clean or pleasant?

Me personally? Opening the diaper pail was a huge process (pre-Diaper-Genie). You had to take a deep breath. Hold it. Lift the lid, not too much....just enough to get a diaper in. DO NOT lift that lid right off and start waving it around. You're just asking to clean up vomit if you do that. Then drop the diaper in. Close it FAST. Run out of the room and find some clean air.

So imagine my surprise when I smell something in the livingroom. I know the smell, can't quite place it.....follow it to my daughter's room.

OMG, the horror. Diaper pail open, the lid is more than 10 feet away!!! There is my angel, sitting inside a circle of stench and filth. Smiling happily, no vomit in site. She is happily playing in a pile of dirty diapers.

I am not saving for college, I'm saving for therapy.

I Want Sanity

Ok, how dumb am I?? Turns out I'm MUCH dumber than I thought.

He cheated on me.....no need to say who he cheated with right? After all, I'm the stupid one, not you.

We were talking on Tuesday and he started sayin' how he doesn't know why I'm with him, because he really hasn't been that good to me. I brushed it off. Then all day Wednesday and Thursday all I could think was "damn, he's right....what am I doing with him?"

We had big plans to go out Friday, dancing with all my friends, he gets to meet them all for the first time. I talk to him during the day and he informs me that he invited his ex....LMFAO. I argued it for a bit, he told some lies (ie:she's just coming for one drink, to meet you), we agreed to still go.

He took me out, bought me a whole new outfit!! Very very nice. Came back to my place, got ready and got to drinking. He was all over me, absolutely adoring me. Was actually on his knees at one point, biting on my ass. Friends came over, we all went to the bar.

That is when he started ignoring me. I no longer existed. The second she showed up, I became nothing. I tried briefly to capture his attention, failed. One drink turned into an entire night, and at no point was she actually "introduced" to me.

We all went back to a friends house after the bar. His ex spent a good hour telling me how I needed to fight for him, make a fuss and fight. Yeah, no thanks. I told her that it would be a cold day in hell that I would waste time trying to convince someone to love me. I went to bed.

Woke up the next morning, found him just as the pic above shows. What you can't see is that he is still inside her.....sorry for the mental image there. I slapped him into conciousness and said "look at me Baby, look hun..." He said "I see you Baby Girl" to which I growled "now f*cking look at you!!"

He passed out before even realizing. I got a ride home after taking the pic on HER phone....lol. Came home and upon seeing his car in the driveway and possessions in my house I became a vandal.

It's offensive on so many levels. You can imagine them, I'm sure. What you don't know is that they are not getting back together. They didn't do it because they wanted to be together. It was just for shits and giggles.

I'm all better now. My moment of temporary insanity is over. My life was so free of drama until this whole incident. I've reverted back to my usual drama-free lifestyle.....so no more nasty vandalism.

I Kiss Your Lips and Close My Eyes

He spends his time with me, shares his bed with me, calls me, spoils me and always has my back.

He'll never be mine though.

No matter how much time we spend, no matter how wonderful I am, no matter how well things work and click from beginning to end......he belongs to her.

She won't release him, he won't walk away.

Often I think he chooses her because he knows he would love me more....and that scares him. I think he's more comfortable with the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't. Falling for me is more dangerous to him and he fights it all the time. He tells me that he fights it.

He will tell me how much he cares about me. There's an abundance of affection and adoration for me. He goes out of his way, day in and day out, to show me how he feels about me.

But when I look in his eyes....I see it. I'm not stupid. I see her, how much he misses her, how much he will never love me.

There's no doubt, none at all, that he loves me to some extent. We are wild together. There's places he could take me, and things he could do to me.....but I won't. I would fall so hard. It would be foolish to fall so hard for someone that will never reciprocate.

I am foolish for even getting this far with him. I should have run long ago. He does things to me that I can't resist. He unlocks things in me that I sealed long ago, things that bring joy. Even sounds he makes.......

I guess, as an old lover wrote:

I'm Over the edge, I could still set myself free
But I'm going to ride it down
Ride it down