I have decided to give some unsolicited advice. If you don’t agree, it’s probably because I’ve pegged your behavior and the truth hurts. Of course, there is the slight chance that you are offended by the vulgarity of what I’m saying…..hahaha….tough shit.
I’m 32 years old and know basically nothing, I’ll admit that. However, I am generally a happy girl (which most of you can attest to, right?) and I want to share with you a few of the secrets of my happiness. In the process of that I am going to share with you something that is really starting to annoying me. Included in this tirade is a mass quantity of sweeping generalizations ….let’s get on with it shall we?
WOMEN. I am so painfully tired of some of the women I see. I can’t list the shit that is pissing me off, the list is too damned long. Your complaining is getting to a hideous level and I want you to shut up! Stop it with the “he’s lazy”, “he drinks too much”, “he doesn’t cook”, “he isn’t romantic”, “he never gives me money”, “he doesn’t love me”, “he never takes me out”, “he only wants sex”. SHUT UP!! Why? Because no one gives a shit. I’m not kidding, it’s true. We (your girlfriends) don’t care! THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO….except listen to your non-stop bitching….or tell you to SHUT UP! You, and only you, can change the situation. So stop your mindless bitching and do something.
Here’s the unsolicited advice part!
He’s lazy? Let’s look at this honestly. Does he work? If the answer is yes, shuddup. He’s not lazy, he’s tired from working all day….have you tried it? It’s tiring sometimes! Stop bitching at him to do stuff all the time. Contrary to popular belief, every minute of every day does NOT need to be filled with stupid shit. It applies to your children and your man. He wants (and honestly needs) time to just sit down and zone out. Think about it. If men didn’t need that time, Nintendo, Playstation and X-box wouldn’t exist! Men need time doing what appears to be nothing. During that time they are recharging…..finding their centre. It looks a lot different from a day at the spa, but shuddup and accept it. That’s how men recharge.
He drinks too much? I WONDER WHY!! You should have a few with him, maybe loosen up a bit and try smiling. It is helping him to relax, let go of stuff. Like the asshole that cut him off, the wife/girlfriend that hasn’t shaved her armpits/legs/cha-cha since OCTOBER, the constant demand on his wallet. Gawd, *I* need a drink just thinking about it!
He doesn’t cook? Did you bitch and whine the last time he did? Did you tell him what he “should” have done? Or did you just dummy up and say THANK YOU! Not everything YOU cook is a masterpiece, keep that in mind next time you open your pie hole to bitch. He may or may not be a good cook, accept that. You may or may not be good at rotating tires and he doesn’t bitch at his friends about it.
He isn’t romantic? The real reason he isn’t romantic is because he has to face you everyday. Even though he may love you endlessly, you cannot expect him (or anyone else) to give you something that you aren’t willing to give. If you aren’t doing your hair, painting your toenails, shaving everywhere, keeping your lips soft, showing some cleavage, sending him filthy dirty text messages, finding better uses for soap when he’s showering (makes a hand-job easier chicky…and you don’t even have to get in the shower)…..if you haven’t done all of those things in the past six months….wtf is he gonna get you flowers for?! Plus, are you doing what HE wants? Are you meeting him at the door with a freshly pour, ice-cold beer? Are you giving him blow-jobs? You have your needs, he has his. Start working toward middle ground instead of bitching about the distance!
He never gives you money? OMG, don’t get me started on this shit. GET YOUR OWN DAMN MONEY. WORK! Stop expecting him to pave your way! Stop making excuses for not being able to earn your own money. I spent a long time as a stay-at-home-Mom, we had no money so we never fought about money. There was nothing to fight over!! If you are fighting over money, you have too much of it. So shut up and appreciate that! Problem ownership honey, if *you* don’t have enough money, go earn some. Stop free-loading, he is not an ATM. Try this instead, GET A JOB.
He doesn’t love you? Here’s the real question… DO YOU LOVE YOU? Probably not. If you did love yourself and knew your worth you wouldn’t be bitching about him all the time. Mostly because you wouldn’t be in this situation. Which, btw, is a result of your own decisions.
He never takes you out? Refer back to the rant on romance. Are you a lady that he WANTS to be seen with? Do you put in the effort to look appealing and sexy? Do you give him “the look” when you’re out, letting him know he’s done something wrong? Try this next time you’re out. Get dressed up, smell good, look hottt, have a drink and relax, don’t be afraid of being pretty AND smart, look at your man like he’s a PRINCE, smile adoringly, whisper dirty things in his ear. If you do that….TRUST ME….he will be so proud. He will honestly feel like he is the luckiest man. He will love taking you out.
Finally….He only wants sex? DUH! Your Mom told you what? “The way to a man’s heart is through……?” Yeah, you know the end of that don’t you? His stomach? Are you fucking kidding me? His stomach? Every man wants to go longer without food than he does without sex! Ask them, seriously, ask any man if he’d rather eat more often than he has sex! Your Mom told you that? Let the facts prove her wrong. I’m betting your Momma was on the cutting edge of the divorce epidemic….wasn’t she? His stomach….lmfao….puh-lease.
I will tell you one thing. This sums up every man. This is “the dream” every man hopes for. He wants his beer chilled, his steak BBQ’d, some money in his wallet and his balls EMPTY. The first three mean almost nothing in comparison to the last. Ask him…….and stop bitching.
***I wanna say that this is all said in jest, but as Eminem said “a lot of truth is said in jest”. Most of this is true. However, if you are in an abusive relationship, none of this will work to make it better. The only solution is walking out.
***I wanna say that this is all said in jest, but as Eminem said “a lot of truth is said in jest”. Most of this is true. However, if you are in an abusive relationship, none of this will work to make it better. The only solution is walking out.
