Single Parents

I want to write about this before my memory grows dim and I forget it's value. So bear with me.

I was raised by a single Mom. My childhood was not easy, in fact it was difficult at the best of times. I saw things that I suspect (by the opinions and attitudes I have encountered in life) not everyone sees. I saw my Mother struggle. I saw her succeed, I saw her fail. I saw her when she was beaten, broken and should have given up. I saw her weep. I saw her in a very raw and real way. Not only was she a single Mom in the 70's, she was a teenage single Mom. I was raised by an addict. An addict that fell prey to abusive men.

Pretty picture eh?

I cannot describe some of the things I've seen. Even if I could, I would not. Instead, let me share some other things.

I saw her laugh. I saw her joy. I saw her smile. I remember my Mother being an example of endurance. Yet she never ever looked the part; her laughter was always nearby. Even in those times when I saw her beaten, in that time when she should have quit, should have given up....I saw her raise her head. I saw her stand. I saw her refuse to give up. I have seen my Mother take on Goliath. I am *most* grateful that I saw things other people didn't see. I saw her in moments of weakness. I saw her at her lows, when she shut out the outside world. Which only made her strength even more amazing. She would always (still does) bounce back and take down the Goliath. Whether Goliath was a Dartmouth school that was openly abusing the students, or an employer that paid dearly for a wrongful dismissal. Sometimes Goliath was the opinions of people like you and me, or worse, her own fears.

My Mother was always an example of strength and joy. She was never lazy, she never sat on her ass and collected welfare (that's not to say she never collected welfare, because she totally DID! There is NO shame in that, the 'shame' comes when you abuse the system and choose to be lazy). She kicked her addictions, even when people told her she couldn't. She put an end to abuse in her life. She took a stand against abuse and never again fell prey to it. She worked hard my entire childhood, sacrificing time with her children in order to provide for her children.

I never thought that I too would become a single Mother. I saw my Mother struggle and didn't want that path for myself. Life happens though! I made choices that led me smack into being a single Mother. I choose that path...WOW....hard path. Bloody hard. In fact there was one night when I thought it was impossible. I found my own Goliath. I found Goliath and I could no longer fight. I was ready to give up and concede. Then I thought of my Mom.

I did not give up. I thought of my Mom and I kept going. I got a better job, a great job in fact. A job I still love and still appreciate today. I remember the first paycheque I got. I also remember the paycheque that got me out of the red. I was able to pay my bills, provide for my children and stop struggling so much. I remember holding the pay stub in my hands and crying. I called my Mom. I called Carol and Doreen too. I called women that were single Mothers before me. I called them and thanked them. Thanked them for not giving up. Thanked them for paving the way, for walking this path before I did. For setting an example of what could be accomplished if I didn't give up. I told them that I wasn't giving up. That I was finally succeeding and I owed part of my success to them, to my own Mother.

This world is full of all different kinds of people, for that I am thankful. There are people that will succeed in different ways than I have, for that I am also thankful. I write this to share my gratitude and to remind myself. I also write this so that when I, and possibly you too, see someone that is still a work in progress you will appreciate them, not judge them.

As my Mother has aged she has not stopped accomplishing things. She followed her true dream and has been supporting herself as a full time artist for more than a decade. She fell in love. She is a Kookum. I lived my entire childhood looking up to (funny because she's barely 5") this beautiful, commanding woman.

I am no longer a single Mother, but I was, and I remember.